The lump under her mattress was unusually uncomfortable that night. She had been saving for months, shoving all her extra tips into a small wooden box that would soon be her ticket out of here. She had saved $1,214.57. It would have to be enough. She had set an alarm for 4am, so she could leave before her parents awoke. There was no need for the alarm of course. She couldn't sleep at all. With her small suitcase in hand, she tip-toed out of her house and began to walk toward the bus station.
"I'll take a ticket for the next bus out of here, please," she requested of the attendant.
"Don't care where to?" She shook her head shyly. "Alrighty then little lady! One ticket to Carmel, California! Hope you like the ocean."
She climbed aboard and chose a window seat toward the back. California! What a magical place! Soon sleep came over her, and she dreamed about sunshine and the sound of waves crashing.
She was awaken by the voice of a man. The bus was quite full now with people it had picked up at different stops. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty! I thought you would never wake up!" She sat there staring blankly at the most beautiful man she had ever seen. They soon began to chat about their lives and why they were traveling to California. He was a very successful businessman who was returning home from visiting his parents. He was angered when she told him about why she decided to leave and offered for her to stay with him until she got her feet on the ground. Before she knew it, she had made a new friend and had a place to stay.
Over the next few weeks in Carmel, they grew closer together. He took her sailing and to the finest restaurants the west coast had to offer. She was happy for the first time in her life. She was in love with this man she barely knew and was joyful and terrified all at the same time.
One day she decided to call her parents to let them know she was doing alright. Her mother answered and, of course, had nothing positive to say. Her father had fallen ill. She had to go back. "Please don't go. You deserve better than that," he pleaded with her.
"He's my father," she replied as she packed her things.
She returned to her hometown to help care for her father, and, to no surprise, was treated the same way. Her parents were not appreciative for anything that she did for them. One day she received a phone call from Carmel. The man who had stolen her heart had died. He got caught in a storm while sailing. She was stuck without love or hope. It had all seemed like a dream.
Author's Note:
This story was based on Another Vanishing Wife in the Tales from the Congo unit. The main character was treated badly by his family. He finally had enough and left. On his journey away, he magically found a wife and village where he made his own home. When he went back to his family, his new wife warned him not to tell about his new life. However, the man foolishly did tell his family about his wife and village. As he spilled the beans, all of the magical things about his new life vanished and left him right back where he started.
The plot in my retelling is very similar. I would rather stories be more realistic, so I changed the setting to present day and didn't involve people magically appearing. Instead of disappearing, her love died. The original story was very sad to me. I think the moral was to not be foolish and not say too much. I wanted the moral to be 'It's okay to be selfish.' The girl in the story would have ended up
in a much better place if she had been more selfish.
This story was an emotional roller coaster! You did a great job of setting up how she felt about life in her town, how miserable it was and how much she longed to leave. I like the moral you included in the author's note about being more selfish. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is be selfish and your story got that message across wonderfully. I'd suggest adding a link to the story you used, but that's the only thing I can think to fix. Great job!
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